bfg on "To Blendy, with Love.

Dearest Blendy,

When I found you my world changed - not just for the better... I became a different person, a better person.

Even though we met yesterday, I had to stop myself from tearing off your cap and devouring you. But I had to think of work the next day and a lady needs her sleep! But this morning ... ahhh  so worth the wait. As I threw out the old Liquid Coffee and poured you into my cup, mixed in a little milk... I was knocking on heaven's door.

Blendy Espresso Liquid Coffee, why do you hid yourself on the shelves of Max Value when you should be in the fridge with the other, granted inferior, cold coffees... We went too long apart.

How have I changed? Besides the fact that there was a skip in my step and song in my voice, you mean? Well, even after five cups this morning I had a sixth right before heading out to Curves, my gym. Didn't tell you about it? Oh, I am super famous there. As the only Gaijin not only is my "Curves Message" at the top of the pyramid, but everyone is aware of both my measurements, my attendance - hell, they even tell  me about my own life.

"Vanessa-sensei~! School starts on Thursday~"

"It does? I am not so sure... I should check."

Giggles and sugoi!'s everywhere. "Thursday!! Yes yes."
Well, Hot-Diggitydog! They were right...

When I missed a week for Hiroshima/Kobe vacation, not only was I required to give a full report as to why but I was warned that I really could not afford to eat so much omiyage. "Really? 13 omiyage?"

"But I had to try every flavour~! How many times will I be in Miyajima?"

Of course, I do this while working out so I am saved by the woman's voice saying "Change Station Now" and all the women chanting together "Chan-gi!"

I have friends there Blendy, though none as precious as yourself. My favourite is Glasses Lady. She works out in pink sunglasses. I think I may be in love with her even though she points at me saying "AKAI! AKAI!" (red! red!) to whoever is working out beside her. I forget I am working out trying to figure out what she's thinking.

My Brain: "Oooo pursed lips. Do you think things are getting hard?"

Other part of My Brain that has the voice of my cousin Amanda: "Maaaaa, what are you SAYING!?"

My Brain: "Maybe she is thinking about her doggie. A woman with pink tinted glasses has to have a doggie."

Other Part now switching to Bad Sean Connery: "Peacock."

My Brain: Nods "goooooood one."

After Curves, I treated myself to one more before heading to a coffee shop where I had lemonade. The serving woman almost fainted.

"I-su-du Ca-fe Ra-te?"

"I-su-du Re-mon onegaishimasu!"

"CA - FE Ra- TE" It was like talking to a two year old. Or one of my students.

"ReMON. L size."

Repeat 5 times.


Chatted away with Ashley and got some studying in - no yawning or eye rubbing at all!! Power-biked home in under 15 minutes listening to George Michael, planning a Gay Pride lesson and dreaming of just ONE more cup before bed. I was distracted from my surroundings with the exception of the 70 year old woman (who looked 50) on her mini-bike, MC Hammer pants and florescent Brazilian t-shirt montage-of-athing. She puts Pink Glasses to SHAME. I want her autograph!

Blendy, you made a good life great. Because now I know that with every quirky Ja-of-pan moment I go through I can accent it with a cup of you. Let's party.


bfg goes to watch The Good Wife. Bad title, good show.

bfg on having the best cup of coffee in the world. And I don't mean maybe.

If I never hear the word "Maybe" for the rest of my life it will be too soon.

Usually moments that are lost in translation are cute. When my student tells me, "I'm hot!" and I explain that can mean sexy we giggle. If a teacher tells me how "terrible and excited" they felt about a movie, I explain that terrible really has no positive meaning. And I just love explaining to the students that "shat" really does not mean "shirt". But "maybe" is so misused, so misunderstood and so frequently that I may become violent.

For example,

"Are you hungry?"

"Maybe"

Honestly?

"Did you go to the party last week?"

"I think so."

Oh, really?

The one I hate the most is when I ask for directions.

"How do I get to the movie theatre?"

"Maybe you turn left from Gofukucho at the Seiten."

"Maybe? You don't know?"

"Yes."

"What? Okay, lets look at a map."

"Oh, but we don't need to."

"But you said you don't know where it is exactly..."

"Yes."

"So we should check the map..."

"Maybe"

Kill me now Sweet Jesus!!!

Last Sunday after a long series of unfortunate events where the gods reminded me why I must stay indoors with a Japanese Boy-Toy doing my dishes and other domestic duties for handicapped individuals such as myself, I was comin' down the mountain with friends after camping and there before me was this lovely little cabin that said the most beautiful thing I ever read: "Coffee".

Not even waiting for it to stop, I was out of the car running in. It had been more than 24 hours!! How can a human survive? Who would want to ?

"No! Please take off your shoes."

I don't bat an eye. Direct directions is all a white woman on a coffee mission needs.

I never thought caffeine paradise could be on a mountain with bears and wild pigs. I associate such things with going to school not heaven.

But just look at how they made my coffee. It was like a dance! A song! A ceremony! I was so happy I ordered two.

Good enough to go back for thirds? Maybe...

bfg on when the extraordinary is ordinary

The other day it hit me.

Old man slows down, rolling down the car window to see if I really am what I am. I bow and continue on my merry way.

Clerk overcharges me 10 YEN. Manager has a hernia. I smile and say, "だいじょぶ！”　

Couple stop crossing the street to look at my tattoos. They backtrack, pointing very obviously. I smile and bow my head. Yup, I got tattoos on my chest! Want a closer look? Promise I cover them in an onsen. Cross my heart.

I forgot my 100 YEN pen in the shopping basket on the 6th floor of one of the most crowded malls in Shizuoka. Walking out of the elevator, a clerk meets me at the bottom of the STAIRS out of breath. "GOMEN!!! You forgot this." I take this in stride. She had to take the stairs so she could catch me at the elevator doors, you see.

Fact is, all these little instances that made living in Japan so manga-wide-eyed have become normal. In many ways, I am EXPECTING such behaviour. Does this mean I will wear nylons at work in humidity of 1 gazillion? I am not psycho. But seeing other female teachers with nylons, woollen socks and sandals - all part of my morning coffee experience.

And there are other "settling in"moments - my students have been friendlier to me. They yell "Hello Banessa!" from across the football field, sneak a wave if I walk by the class and some actually smile. One of my shiest students came up to me yesterday to say he was happy "I can speak to Banessa sensei". I was not supposed to teach 2nd year students but this year I was asked to...

Even disciplining is better. They know what I will do. So I give the look and they smile and I say, "Goto!!" and he actually does it. How the hell did that happen!?

And as the realizations hit - that a year has actually past, that many of the people I have relationships are leaving - I think about what will I do this time next year... Right now, with Megane Boy writing me an email about birthday presents, Yuka making me an ink drawing of Taylor Swift and bike tiers screeching in the city streets with the basketball team chasing me for a "Hello" and weekend sighting I can't fathom it.

Summer is here and I need to take a step back at being "Banessa Sensei" and get back into reading, working out - yes, I actually wrote the words without Mother Earth swallowing me whole - and enjoying Japan. Because with this year having gone by so fast, the other one is just around the corner. I have some catching up to do.

Hiroshima! Kobe! Osaka (again)! Here I come!!!

bfg on the bold and the bloodless

Tonight I am having a girls night ala Edward/Bill/Eric.

That is correct folks - us gals are painting our faces, dressing up to the nines, putting on some Twilighty movies and hitting my kitchen dance floor.

This is my life. Welcome.

I should say this is my life post-thesis; a series of how well I can entertain myself now that I have so much time. The funny thing is now that I and Time are reunited my most productive endeavour is probably getting over the hangover before I drive to work in the morning.

Oh, my walls are littered with to-do lists. Alphabetized. Colour-coordinated. Even stickered and hankoed up. But there is always the day after tomorrow or "not when it's raining" or "after the nap I need since I only slept 7 hours"... etc.

Work is busy enough but while my nights are spent worshiping bloodsuckers my students are energy suckers. My third year students are wild and I find that either I have to just sit back and ride the wave waiting it out or I need to be a marshal. Both are so unappealing and for the first time since I have been here I refused to teach an entire lesson, forcing my JTE's to take care of the first half.

Coming back after two weeks from home, I was itching to get back to work excited to see my students. I guess this is the bad end of the "anticipation" side of things... Who was it that said never make plans or have expectations for anything more than two days in advance? Words of wisdom my friends.

This past month has been a scramble of enjoying freedom, adapting to my work schedule that has doubled and just settling in for another year of Japan. I have posts I need to do on Nagoya, Osaka and even Vietnam. But its been a while and I thought a little note that marks a year from when I opened my placement and read the words "Shizuoka" was called for. Reading all the newbies being so excited of what is to come, I remember how far and yet how behind I am after having spent almost a full year here.

I better start checking things off the list.

bfg gets off her Italian-ass.

bfg on ...

What title would be appropriate for this? bfg on the tsunami? Please, that is so...


Uh this whole thing is a mess. I am in Japan. I felt the Earthquake but in all honestly it was exciting and wondrous. I thought I was dying because someone poisoned me then I thought I fell asleep and was dreaming about Inception then someone yelled "EARTHQUAKE" and I realized I needed to get out of my bubble and start living reality. It lasted a long moment. It felt like an hour and a few seconds at the same time. It also felt like my stomach went up my esophagus and into my brain.

There were many warnings and it was scary to see your city highlighted in red on the Japanese Meteorological site but the truth is I feel like I am in another Japan. One that had a little shake and a little scare. This is not the Japan where 1000 people died, houses were swept up, people, cars, planes... THAT Japan is on TV and facebook statuses. It is part of the Lady Gaga bracelets on sale for the relief fund.

I hate this because once Hollywood gets involved suddenly it feels like this is a work of bad fiction. Instead of being engrossed I am removed. Pretty soon Michael Jackson will come back from the dead and sing a song about it - all proceeds going to the relief no doubt. In three years a movie about a dog will come out where he singlehandedly rescued an orphanage of children stuck on a roof by swimming them across to a more stable rooftop and the Government of Japan will make a peace centre for it.

It just doesn't feel real anymore. Instead it is so removed and distant... like a movie. I drove to the shoreline because I had to see it for myself. I was expecting some coastguards or something... but instead there was silent beauty.

So, please stop thinking of me family and friends. Think about Sendai, help them too before Hollywood sucks the humanity out of it. I am off to study at a resto so I don't consume energy (which Shizuoka is providing to Tokyo) and maybe get some homework done.

bfg on yish!

My intention was that my next post would be large banners that read "FINISHED", "DONE!" and "I AM SO ELATED I AM RUNNING NAKED IN THE STREET!". Oh, the Thesis is coming along and in a week should be completed thank the gods but no it is not done. However today's events... yish. I need to let this out.

I told you about Goto, right? He is, with the exception of Megane Boy, my favourite student. Unlike shy Megane Boy, Goto loves attention. He would make a great actor. To me he does not look Japanese... he has a round face with a strong jaw, dimples, short, fit boy since he is on the running team and a smile that can charm anyone - even a giant foreign English teacher like me.

And that kid knows it. Every time I look Goto's way, even when he is doing something other than what he is supposed to, he flashes me a willing smile. Sometimes I smile back, sometimes I say "Just because your smiling does not mean you can get away with that Goto! Stop!" but it does not have the same bite that I usually put into my Sergeant General statements in class. He listens though. To me at least he listens.

To top it all off he wears glasses. He is not a very good students but in class Goto raises his hand and seems to do well. His speaking ability I think is much more advanced than his writing, not that that is particularly important but so it goes.

I love teaching him and his entire homeroom. They are my favourites and they know it! So today when the Homeroom Hanko Prize was announced none of us were surprised when Homeroom 14 won. However, I was surprised that Goto was not there for he never misses a class. But I set his test and prize aside and did my shpeel.

After was when the bomb dropped, "Sensei! I am holding on to Goto's test and prize so let him know when he comes to school to come see me please."

She seemed uncomfortable. "I do not think you can see him. No one is really allowed to."

"Allowed to see him? You mean he is in school?" Oh God, was he sick?

"Yes... he was caught doing something bad..."

"What?" I know she hated being put on the spot. See if I care.

"He was caught at a store..." she gave me a look saying 'Please don't make me tell you' which didn't work and so finally, "He pick-pocketed."

Now in Japan, this is a mega big deal. I almost made a joke about how I used to steal gum from the local store but I wonder if that would get me fired here. But poor Goto... none of the teachers really like him. He just sleeps in class or disturbs. But this kid is active. He has no outlet for his creativity and humour. He can be great really he can but there are few opportunities to express himself and if there is one kid on this planet that needs to do that its Goto. I know - I was exactly the same! Urg!

"Can I see him?"

Well, I pushed the buttons and it did not take much for them to consent to let me see him. Goto was still wearing his glasses but now his eyes were tiny from having cried so much and his face super round from puffiness. I gave Goto his homeroom prize and then his Student Prize for having "improved" throughout the year.

"Goto... I am sorry this happened."

He said thank you.

"Goto... you are a smart boy. atamaga iidesu" I wanted to say more. That I thought he had so much potential but he has to learn discipline. That tomorrow is a new day and he can start over; just let this go and start anew. But he could not face me. He kept shacking his head with such loathing and self-hatred I just wanted to hug him and let him cry.

But this is high school and I am not his mother. "You are a smart boy who made a stupid mistake." He shook his head. He whispered in a tiny voice. "baka desu." I am stupid.

I gave Goto his papers and went around the table in the tiny room he has to spend the next few days in writing letters of apology to the community, the person he pick-pocketed, his teachers, basically everyone in a 10 mile radius, and tapped his shoulder - a huge thing here as physical contact is not the norm. But man that face, of such guilt... what could I have done? I feel like it was not enough and yet to have done more would have meant overstepping a boundary that I wonder if a teacher should ever cross.

I wish I had him as a student next year. I WANT him and 14 homeroom and so many others. And so I am going to fight this... I am going to fight to teach 2nd year students.

On Goto's survey he wrote how my class was his favourite class. "I am free." I would rather teach Zombie Girl and Giggle Bitch for a whole year if it means sticking with some of these precious gems. See the thing is he is smart... its just that so many people told him he is stupid - all the fuckers he is writing letters to: his school, his community, his peers - that he believe it. And how to make him see... I have to at least try. Nothing is worth much if we do not at least try.

bfg on going to the doctor; take notes Canada!

A few months ago I had caught a cold. It was exam time so there was no way I was missing school. I would catch naps in the woman's tatami room when it got too much. It sucked but I survived. I did not want to go to the doctor. The idea of going to the doctor was something that promised all the challenges of being in a foreign country without the grand adventure. Not even a Starbucks mug for me to gloat over.

When I woke up this morning I felt like shit. When I got out of bed, I almost collapsed.

I was just so dizzy, that has not happened to me for sometime... in fact, I can not remember really ever being so bad. I texted my supervisor promising to call later on when she was at school and fell fast asleep.

In the end, she called me. It was 10:30am, more than three hours after I texted her and I was still zonkers. Even though she was on the phone and could not see me, I was embarrassed at having drooled all over my pillow. My Muji pillow cases are sacred artifacts after all.

"Do you need to go to the hospital?"

I was afraid to answer. Was this a trick question? Like if I say no does that mean I am not sick enough to warrant staying home? But I did not want to go. I was scared they are going to ... do things. I don't know but I was scared. "I don't know."

"I understand. You are sick you can not think."

I do no't think it has to do with being sick but okay.

She continued, "I will come then... around 3 o clock. Do you want something?"

I could not believe she would do this for me. "Thank you." I closed the phone and went back to sleep.

Hours later, she messaged me saying she was on her way. I carefully picked out a doctor appropriate outfit: must be 2 pieces so if they need to look at my chest I do not have to show my crotch, many layers to keep warm but easy to discard a certain amount depending on what section of my body they needed to see. Etc.

When she arrived she had a bag full of food, "For you! I did not get sushi heehee." but she got me my favourite coffee and juice, rice balls, some noodles.... more coffee. It was heaven in a bag. I had not eaten the entire day and though I was not hungry I know I need to force myself. And no matter what state I am in, I can always have coffee.

"Do  you have your insurance card? It is blue like this one."

"Yes, of course I have it! I always keep it in a little pouch in my wallet." I pull out my wallet. The pouch was empty... "Oh it must be... oh my god! It is not here." I never take out my insurance card. Since I drive to school ever day I always keep it on me in case I get into an accident or something. But it was not there. "I do not understand. I never used it."

She called the school to see what had to be done as I looked in my file of "all things Japan that are uber important"... no luck.

She closed the phone. "Tanaka san said we have to pay. It will cost about five man."

I have one man six sen yen in the bank. "Oh, I can not afford that now!"

She said, "Do not worry. I will pay for you and when we get reimbursed you can give me the money."

I wanted to cry. I wanted to be home. I wanted my card. I wanted to not be sick. And I felt so horrible. "Okay..." I put on my jacket getting ready to leave holding back tears of disappointment that I could be so stupid and irresponsible. As I shut the bedroom light I saw my bookshelf, "One moment. Let me just check in one more place." I went to the top shelf were I have a little bin I put papers that I have not classified yet. It is how I cheat. And sure enough, there was my card. I have no clue how it got there but it was there and I had found it. Elated, we both headed to the car but by then I was sweating and ready for a nap.

"I am not sure what clinic to bring you to. Do you know?" My sensei is always so thoughtful. In her situation, I would have brought said foreigner to where ever was convenient to me and not bother asking.

"Actually... do you know Magarikane clinic?" Another amazing fact was that after having read on facebook that I was sick, my Japanese friend Mao emailed me a clinic that offers English speaking doctors. I did not even have to ask her... she just messaged it to me. Can you believe that?

Off we went and in less than five minutes we were in this cute little brown building.

Walking in I was surprised to see facial creams on sale... it was odd. There were three nurses there and I was starting to get nervous. They gave me a form and a thermometer which I had to stick in my armpit. Classy!

I answered the questions but my thermometer was broken. My supervisor informed the nurse where she promptly ran to a back room and came out with this mega thermometer. I was super afraid at that point a thought running through my mind that she would ask me to drop my tights or something. I looked at her with big eyes. She zapped my forehead and said. "Ahhhhh 36.8 degrees" and wrote it down. It was a super Star Trek moment and I wished for a fleeting moment I had my Vulcan ears.

As I sat back to begin waiting, my name was called. "Huh?" Huh!? How is that possible? I just gave her my form. Not only that but I made the nurse actually work by helping me... does that not mean I would have to wait at least an hour?

I was escorted to a brightly light area with many a white door. The nurse opened one about half way down and motioned for me to sit down. "Influenza test" she said. Enough English for me to understand.

She took out a long thin Q-tip as she explained in Japanese that she needs to take some of my snot. "Okay," Not sure what to do, I tilted my head back.

And up she rammed that mother fucker. I felt like my brain was being tickled. It was so weird and disturbing I instinctively turned my head away ever so much. She did not try to reframe me at all just followed me and she turned that mother fucking thing into the deep recesses of my nasal cavity.

And then, just when I started to cry from the feeling (the kind of tears you get when plucking your eyebrows) she stopped. "Iiiii."

After mixing my fluids with what looked to be a device very much like a pregnancy test she said, "Chyotomatekudasai" and left me.

I fell asleep so I am not sure how long I waited but when the female doctor arrived I was relieved. In Quebec, they passed a law saying citizens can not request a civil servant of a particular gender (driving test examiner, voting administration, etc.). I am very much for this and try my best to follow this ideology myself even before the law was passed. The only time I have ever preferred a particular gender though is with a doctor. I never asked for a woman before because I think it would be hypocrisy but I do feel like there are certain things female doctors just understand more...

"You do not have influenza," she said, "but you do have the symptoms. Also, you are very pale so I am concerned..." she checked my throat. "How do you feel?"

And I told her I felt horrible but that I was not sure what part of me was in pain from being sick and what part of me was suffering from ladytime which started this wretched morning.

"Ah!" She understood. "Chyotomatekudasai" 


I waited a long time. Must have been five minutes when a nurse returned.

"Kusuri." and she handed me medication explaining to me in Japanese how I was to administer it. I will allow myself this peacock moment that I actually understood everything she said even though my head and uterus were about to implode.

She actually got my medicine for me. I was stunned. I paid her the 2,000 yen and went on my way.

In less than twenty minutes I came into a clinic in a foreign country and was offered better service, better care and much cleaner facilities - eating off the floors clean - than I have ever, EVER witnessed in Canada.

 The staff were so gentle and kind. When I showed my supervisor the medicine she nodded her head. "They are very kind. Usually, the do not do this. But you are so they wanted to help you." To avoid me having to go to a pharmacy, they fulfilled my prescription for me. I am still overwhelmed and can not believe it. This happening to me, a supposedly unwanted gaijin? My friends, colleagues and the clinic were more helpful and polite than any doctor I have seen in my life and that is a scary thought.

 The medical system seems to be similar to Canada with insurance and such but the quality is of an entirely different level. In a way, I am kind of ashamed. Before leaving Canada, I was very sick and every doctor I saw refused me. I could not even go to the CLSC - they showed me the door and said to try again in six months. I ended up in a walk-in clinic where I waited five hours. And I had to pay $60 for a note for work. My adventures, because that is what it did turn out to be, showed me that a social medicare system does not necessitate bad quality, grumpy doctors and nurses that take sick pleasure in sticking a needle in your arm; definitely a moment of culture shock for me.

Canada, I think it is time for you to wake up and take some notes!