Sunday, February 5, 2012

bfg on crumbs

Why HELLO there Blog. How are thee? Happy in your Internet universe of whatevers and whatnots? Me, you ask? What of meeeeeee?

Well, today as I was grading my third year students' final exams armed with a whip-free Starbucks mocha a lady sat next to me. Why an interest in a lady sitting next to me? My dear friend, in Japan people with eyelids usually have a one seat radius of open seats. My favourite of course is the bus ride where I sit with so much room all around me as people stand far, far away. Even better is when I sit next to someone, my Italian hips demanding 60% of seat space. No "wa" there.

Naturally, I devoted an entire corner of my eye to her activities and it proved torturous for it took her exactly 71 minutes to eat her teeny-weeny Japanese sized chocolate brownie.

Crumb by fucking crumb, her fork picked away slowly bringing the little bit to her mouth. Chew. Chew Somemore. Swallow.

Before long, I was fantasizing of teaching her how to BITE her food. Sink teeth in. Roll eyes and enjoy this oh-so Herbal Essence experience. Chew slowly. Making noise is okay. While swallowing raise brownie to mouth so as to not be without it for long. By the end, I almost took it away from her. No brownie should be eaten that way.

Those flashing moments, where my mocha is swallowed in 4 gulps while my peers are still playing with the sleeve of their drink is when I realize I am gaigin. It doesn't bother me... but there are moments where I just come home and pretend I am nowhere. Just today while shopping at the GAP, I tried on a pair of pants that fit save for the fact that they only covered half my asscrack. Not a fashion statement I want to be making at this time in my life. Constantly, they tell me, "In Japan, we don't have such sizes" and I feel life I am a VBFG: VERY Big Female Giant.

February has proven to be overwhelming. Not only is it end of semester for me but lots of shit hit the fan: issues with my 2009 and 2010 taxes in Canada and Quebec (Vivre Le Quebec Libre!), huge volunteer project that took up way too much time, 3 birthdays, exams, creative writing projects due, so many detentions I had to "reschedule" some, my daily twenty minutes of Jillian Michaels and my neighbours hearing me scream "Cunt Bitch Ass Whore" after work every day, and mail. So much mail these days with "pay me!" and "you forgot"...

But really the main thing is I have come to the decision that I am going to take a serious step towards staying in Japan permanently. So... I am applying for a second Master's degree- something that can get me a uni position here (or anywhere in Asia  - Singapore and Korea are interesting alternatives). So a big part of this month is getting my application done with everything else. It seems crazy but life here is good. But you know that don't you? Life would have to be good if what I am complaining about is crumbs.

That said, I came home and ate a hefty amount of Pringles in Crumb Ladies honour. I showed her how its done. "Yes! Yes! YES!"

bfg leaves for midnight snack of nutella and peanut butter sandwich.