Monday, August 9, 2010

bfg doesn't know where to start so she just skips everything...

“What do you mean I can not Skype in a Wi-Fi zone?”
the salesclerk at Softbank didn’t speak a word of English. Had this situation been in Montreal, someone would have bitch slapped me with an “estee immigrant!” But this is Japan where the only sign this girl had a 10 hour working day was the one wrinkle in the back of her skirt. I was thinking of telling here but the horror that would cause! So she replies, “Japanese-Japanese-does not work-Japanese-Japanese-Japanese-only in Wifi-Japanese- Starbucks-and-McDonald’s-”
“Mc-Don-al-dzu?” I couldn’t believe it. It can’t be true.
“Hai! McDonald’s ... wifi.”
She handed me a piece of paper and sure enough - wifi at McDs people. And there is a 24 hr one right near my house.
So moments before writing this, as I order my cheeseburger the idea of free wifi overcame all sentiments of guilt that I was in Japan and eating McDs for the second time. Shame.
“3-ban Kudasai. Set-o desu.” which is roughly Number 3 please; drink and fries too.
Blah blah blah, he asked a whole bunch of questions like do I want lemon and/or sugar with my iced tea (I took both) what size for the drink, and to please wait a moment because in Japan we actually only make the burger once you order it.
As I waiting astonished at how clean and cozy this place it - leather couches, jazz music - I asked, “Wifi?” Intonating my voice to indicate question.
He smiled, “Sumimasennnnnn, wakarimasen.”
“You know... wi-fi.” And then like an idiot I stuck my finger in the air and did a Sci-Fi- 2001 Space Odyssey thing. The young man looked scared. “Sumimasen... forget it.”
He handed me my food apologizing a gazillion times for not speaking English. I said to him in English, “Of course not! we are in Japan.” He nodded and gave me a 90 degree bow. Full service at this McDs.
That is when I realized I had two fries on my tray. I return to said scared McDs High school Student worker. “2?” 
Annoyed at the succession of gaijin moments, I sat down opened the comp and stuff my face. Fuck it - two fries it is. 
Only no wi-fi. So I am writing this and will return to Carpacio to post.
My phone is ordered (iPhone 4 baby), my internet as well. My gaijin card is only ready the 27th of August but I went back to get the green paper because no one likes the white version it seems. Racists. 
I got lost today trying to find an electronic dictionary that costs more than 2 months of rent but no luck. I will just have to do it. Wouldn’t be so annoying if I didn’t have to pay for all my Tokyo Orientation (but be reinbursed in two paycheques. VERY ANNOYING).
The moment I have internet at home this will be a normal blog. Until then picture me riding Glinda, my awesome bike, up a steep hill everyday as cars honk and wave and laugh at me and my sexy blue rain coat. 


  1. Oh my! These gaijin moments are so bitter-sweet. Thank's for sharing them. I'm sitting in Montreal, mould is growing on my head because of the humidity and the unstoppable rain. No fun in the McD here... Miss you! ^_^

  2. The lady at my supermarket wouldn't give me a points card because I didn't have my Gaijin Card. She kept apologizing, and made me feel guilty. Argh! I want my card so I can function as a somewhat normal member of society.