bfg on "the end"

I submitted my last paper for the semester. Here is hopin'.

I also mailed in my taxes. Send me the cheque big Mama - it is going towards Japan. And looking good getting there.

Got word that my QC student loan is going through, that I might even get a bursary and that all my papers are in order for graduation... save a little thing called a thesis but that will be dealt with in Japan (December deadline). Heck! It is a major reason why I even wanted to go in the first place. Along with treasure hunting, of course.

So "the end" to all you to-dos! I have checked the box, crossed you all of twice and am kissing you good-bye. It is now time for the sinking in to start...

Today, my friend D came over to say hello: "I hate you." He is a JET Alternate and I can understand the frustration, the anxiety of everyday hoping an email from the Japanese Consulate would arrive saying that someone else dropped out and you are able to go in their stead. It is not a very nice thing to hope for and yet, I hope it for him! It would be nice to have a friend to do day trips with. I need someone to carry my luggage.

This evening there was a small presentation at school. As I was heading towards the elevators after having said my good-byes and thank yous to my professor, I realized this is probably the last time I will ever walk down a Concordia Hallway as a student. The rest of my degree will be done abroad and ... well, there is something sad about that.

My close friends can attest to the fact that I worked really hard to make up for my reckless/ "I don't give a fuck" attitude during undergrad to get into my Master's in hopes of someday becoming a teacher. And one of the most exciting parts about going back to school was that at McGill I made no new friends. I rarely went to class, didn't join any activities so the fault is mostly mine...  At Concordia, I was looking forward to meeting new people and engaging with them if not befriend them. I did do that! and the sad thing is I probably won't be seeing any of them again in the academic context. For all my bitching about the Ivory Tower, there is this sense of a sacred space - one that I appreciate though perhaps not enough while it was happening.

I guess in a way, this is my first good-bye. My first "the end" before leaving. I would be lying if I wrote I wasn't a little sad. I would also be lying if I wrote I wasn't relieved - school has a certain unique stress that I need to set aside for now.